Old men and throwing up are my life now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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