I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
