I just threw up on my dentist
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
