shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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