You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
