if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
