There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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