If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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