If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
