I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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