You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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