Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
