If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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