I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
