Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
