He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
