I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
