Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
