i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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