at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
