Having a random hookup so left but love u
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
