dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She bit a glass in half.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
