He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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