it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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