insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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