That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
