i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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