I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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