haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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