yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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