Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
