I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
