I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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