she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
