i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
