I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize