My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
