White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
