In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
