If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
