you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drake has all the answers
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
