You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At least make sure they are 18
Why
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
