the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
