I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
