Just mADE A PArabola og urine
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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