She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
