i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
