I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
