can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
