so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
