He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
