awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize