Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
