Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
