does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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