Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
