So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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