thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
