I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
