Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
