Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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