How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
