Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
