Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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