I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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