ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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