so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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