These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
