youre lurking in front of me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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