no, he came in my armpit
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
