New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
