I need to stop coming to work sober
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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