Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
