i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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