Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
