I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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